Are You a Builder or a Destroyer?

by Tara Furman

Builder or Destroyer


 “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” Proverbs 14:1

Are you a builder or a destroyer? Whether we like it or not, God has given women special authority to either build or tear down their homes.

Now let me say, I don’t know of anyone who would intentionally tear down her home. However, sometimes unbeknownst to us, we can either BUILD or TEAR down by our words, actions, and attitudes.

For the last month, my family has been in moving mode. (We just moved into a new house.) Although the boxes have been long empty, our house has been in disarray. Last week, my husband made it clear he was ready for our house to become a home.

So over the weekend, I went into building mode. The thing is, it doesn’t just stop with a one time or one weekend building project. Building our homes requires ongoing EFFORT.  

Below are three key ways we can be home builders—not unintentional home destroyers.

1.  Seek to make our homes into havens.

Our homes should be havens that are peaceful, restful, clean, and tidy. They should be places where our families are nourished physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Family members should instinctively know it’s safe to let down their guard and be themselves.    There should be spots and corners in our homes that invite them to relax, unwind, read a book, or play a game.

Our havens should also be filled with yummy food that everyone likes. Our menus should be made with intentionality. And yes, feeding IS MINISTRY.

If our houses are a mess, we need to clean them—or at the very least tidy up. No one enjoys living in a sty. (We may tolerate a mess, but not many enjoy living in a mess.)

Do all of these things take effort? You better believe it does!

2.  Realize much of the harmony in the home depends on us

Our attitudes—grumpy or joyful—impact everybody else’s mood in the house. If we choose to be joyful, the people in our home will follow our lead. If we choose grumpiness and a complaining heart, watch and see what happens…

A wise friend once told me, “If your husband is continually grumpy, you need to evaluate the love bank.” In other words, when was the last time you lit the candle?

Yep. You know where I’m going with this…

Keeping the home fires burning is a big way of building strong connection with our husbands. This connection helps build harmony. This harmony permeates throughout the house.

3.  Women are the heart of the home.

We must understand that the big and small decisions we make can impact our husbands and children. For example, if we overbook our calendars, our families will FEEL it.  A lack of harmony can easily result if we’re not careful about what we say yes and no to.

On the flip side, if our children’s calendar is overloaded with sports and extracurricular activities, this too impacts the harmony in the home. Everyone is always in a rush without meaningful time together as a family.

A wise home builder finds balance between too much and not enough.

A wise woman must be intentional. Building takes effort. Tearing down takes little to no effort.

As we spend time with the Lord each day, He’ll give us creative ideas that are unique to our families. He will enable us to build rather than unintentionally tear down by living on autopilot…or the way the modern feminist agenda instructs us to live!

(Sorry—had to throw in that last part!) 🙂

How are you building, or perhaps tearing down, your home? Ask God to help you evaluate your heart in this area, and choose obedience wherever He leads!

Tara Furman

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