By Leslie Hollowell
I remember sitting on my bathroom floor one Saturday morning, tears streaming down my face as I asked God the question, “Lord, don’t you care?” “Don’t you care that I’m lonely and sad and overwhelmed?”
Fourteen months earlier I had sold my house, packed up my belongings, and left all of my family back in Alabama to move to Memphis, Tennessee. I was excited to be given the privilege of working with some amazing teenage girls and I absolutely loved my job. But, on this particular day, it hit me hard that I had just turned 36 years old, and I was single without a prospect in sight for a husband. For some reason, on that sunny August day, the loneliness engulfed me.
The memory of that day is so vivid, because the Lord’s Presence in that moment was so real.
I never once felt guilty for asking the Lord if He cared. Why? Because, Jesus came for messy moments like mine.
Psalm 34:18 (NIV) says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
That day, I was brokenhearted over unfulfilled dreams and desires and honestly, the fear and uncertainty of the future!
I knew Jesus was with me, but to be honest, I just didn’t see Him working at the time. But I also knew I wasn’t the only one who had ever who felt that way.
Let’s look at Mark 4:37-40 (NIV):
A furious storm arose and the waves broke over the boat, so that is was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The Disciples woke him and asked, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” Jesus got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be Still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.” He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?
As I read this passage, I saw a group of guys, who were in the presence of Jesus, but still struggled with their fears. The storm seemed to be overtaking them and Jesus didn’t seem to be working in their lives. Jesus’ disciples were struggling with fear and uncertainty also. I, too, knew I was in the Lord’s presence, but I struggled with my own faith of trusting that He was working, especially as the insecurity storm seemed to rage on.
Jesus then addressed the disciples with two questions, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
In other words, I’m here with you and you can trust me. I remember crying out to the Lord to calm the storm and help me to trust and believe that He was working in my life, even when I couldn’t see the work taking place. Because isn’t that what faith really is?
Hebrews 11:1 (NIV) says, Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see.
There was also another lady in scripture who asked Jesus the same question. Her name was Martha.
In Luke 10:40 (NIV) we read, But Martha was distracted by many things that had to be done. She came to Jesus and asked, “Lord don’t you care that my sister has left me to do all of the work by myself? Tell her to help me.
Martha’s situation was a bit different from the disciples. Martha was most certainly in the presence of Jesus also, but her own distractions in life had caused her to struggle with all that had to be done.
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “You are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her” (Luke 10:41-42).
Confession: I tend to be a Martha who is easily distracted by so many things. I’ve often run to Jesus complaining about things that were caused by my own choices. (Please tell me I’m not alone.)
Both the disciples and Martha were in the presence of Jesus. Both were struggling with fear and worry and uncertainty. Both chose to talk to the Lord about what was going on in their lives. And the beauty of Jesus is that, He met them where they were!
We don’t have to have it together as mommas and we don’t have to be afraid to talk with Jesus about how we really feel. Jesus knows and Jesus cares and Jesus longs for us to come to Him.
Nahum 1:7 says, “The Lord is good, a refuge in times of troubles. He cares for those who trust in Him.”
1 Peter 5:6-7 says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up, IN DUE TIME, casting all of your anxiety on Him, for He cares for you!”
It’s been more than 10 years since that Saturday when I cried and struggled and questioned the Lord on my bathroom floor (although I can assure you that there have been other days since), but that day stands out as a stone of remembrance in my life. I cried and prayed for hours that day. Sometime in the late afternoon I got a phone call from a friend asking me to go to a baseball game that evening with her and some other girls.
So, I dried up my tears and reapplied my make-up and decided to go. Little did I know, but the man I just celebrated 10 years of marriage with was at that game. He and I talked for a while and he bought me a coke. And although it would be several months before he actually asked me out on a date, I remember climbing in bed that night and smiling up at the Lord and saying, “Thank you for reminding me that You care.”
Ladies, there are a lot of mommas that I’ve talked with lately who are struggling with fears and uncertainty and even betrayal. Sometimes, storms engulf our lives that weren’t even on the radar and we ask, “Lord, don’t you care?”
Please know this: He sees and understands your broken heart and crushed spirit. Sit with Him, cry with Him, and make Him your refuge.
Be reminded that He is good in the midst of uncertainty and as you humble yourself under His Mighty Hand, He will lift you up in due time! I pray that you will cast all of your anxiety on Him knowing that He truly does care for you! (1 Peter 5:6-7).
Leslie is an Alabama girl who now lives in Memphis, Tennessee with her husband, Ronnie, and their son, Hudson. Leslie considers being a wife and mommy the best job ever having married her husband at 38-years-old and birthing their son at 42-years-old. She is a former elementary school teacher and eventually made her way toward full-time Christian ministry as a girls ministry leader in her church. She is the founder of Beyond the Eye Girls Ministry and travels to speak to local churches leading one-day girls’ conferences. She has a heart for discipleship, mentoring, teaching, and encouraging young women to follow after God with all their hearts.